


The Bertie Claus

by godsdaisiechain (preux)



Category: Jeeves & Wooster, Jeeves - P. G. Wodehouse
Genre: Candy Canes, M/M, Reindeer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-05
Updated: 2013-02-05
Packaged: 2017-11-28 06:18:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/671244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preux/pseuds/godsdaisiechain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bertie and Jeeves are conscripted into service.  Elves run amok with Parliamentary procedure and whatnot.  Jeeves gets chilly in his elf-y tights and needs a tender snuggle or two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bertie Claus

**The Bertie Clause: A Crack Jooster Christmas Fete in Five Acts of Festive, Fruity Drabbles**  
  
**Drabble 1 “Twas the Night Before Christmas”**  
Elves scampered about the North Pole Workshop giggling madly. “Dash it, Jeeves! The naughty list has gone missing. I’ve looked everywhere.”  
Jeeves shot a severe knee-height glance. Chastened elves sidled off, grinning and jingling sheepishly. “If I may suggest a solution, sir, simply deliver gifts to the ‘nice’ list and coal elsewhere.”   
“Bally blighters.”  
“Replacing their daily ration of maple syrup with small beer might help calm them, sir.”  
“A bally bromide wouldn’t calm them. Look, Jeeves! They’ve bunged my purple socks on the reindeer!”  
“Merely harmless mischief, sir.”  
“Harmless?”  
“They are frivolous creatures, sir.”   
“Deuced ‘Santa Clause’!”  
“Indeed, sir.”  
  
**Drabble 2 “Won’t You Guide My Sleigh Tonight?”**  
“No, Jeeves. No. I’ll not don a red fuzzy suit and that’s final.”  
“But this buffalo… garment, sir.”  
“Is warm and cozy.”  
“You could be mistaken for an unwelcome intruder, sir.”  
“Excellent point, Jeeves. The elves can fix you up, as well.”  
“I beg your pardon, sir?”  
“You’ll require curve-toed shoes, green tights, tunic and pointy hat. All trimmed with jingle bells. Very cheerful, jingle bells.”  
“But, sir…”  
“You’d prefer red-and-white striped tights?”  
“No! Sir, I must protest this indignity.”  
“You must, Jeeves?”  
“Indeed, sir.”  
“Reggie with your brain so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”  
“Nicely played, sir.”  
  
**Drabble 3: “A Beautiful Sight, We’re Happy Tonight”**  
“‘Nice’ list, done. Inebri-whatsited elves, sobered. Bally stinker calming them with beer, Jeeves.”  
“Agreed, sir. Undoing their ‘corrections’ to the Times early edition was particularly irksome.”  
“The shrill cries about liberty or death will haunt Bertram forever.”  
“Highly distressing, sir”  
“And their Bolshevik tendencies, Comrade Jeeves?”  
“A most distasteful display, sir.”  
“They did help extricate Bertram from that narrow chimney.”  
“True, sir. However, you permitted them to form a Parliamentary body at the North Pole.”  
“But you sorted everything admirably, Jeeves. Insisting on a Court of Reindeer was a bally brilliant touch. As was the Jeevesian veto power.”  
“Thank-you, sir.”  
  
Stunning denoument Double Drabble:  
  
**Part One: “He Knows if You’ve Been Bad or Good”**  
“No ‘Jeeves, Reginald’ on the ‘nice’ list, then?”  
“One does not want to push oneself forward, sir.”  
“Those tights are quite fetching. Why the tooth chattering?”  
“I apologize, sir. This elven clothing is inadequately insulating. I am somewhat chilled. I imagine that elves generate immense body heat with all their scampering and giggling proclivities.”  
“This whinging is most unJeevesian. You routed that swan without even mentioning the rain.”  
“As you say, sir.”  
“You may share my lap blanket.”  
“Thank-you, sir”   
“Or, perhaps I should warm you up?”  
“Oh sir, that would be very welcome.”  
“Ho-ho-ho and a bottle of whatnot.”  
  
**Part Two: “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, Jeeves.”**  
“You are bally skilled at this warming, Jeeves.”  
“As are you, sir.”  
“Simply topping.”  
“Most enjoyable, sir.”  
“Did you, perchance, purloin the ‘naughty’ list to hide your name, Jeeves?”  
“No, sir. Yours.”  
“Whatsit?!”  
“Illegal golf clubs are naughty, sir.”  
“Let me see that. ‘Jeeves, Reginald.’ Left purple socks out? Intentionally?! You’re sacked!”  
“Might I request a final snuggle before I depart?”  
“I don’t actually want you to buzz off, Reggie.”  
“Nor do I, love.”  
“I want the purple socks. And you.”  
“They are so terribly unseemly.”  
“Let’s have that snuggle while I noodle this over.”  
“Thank-you and… Merry Christmas, darling.”


End file.
